mummy is a munsterPosted: 4 July 2013
Our first week of summer is almost done and I’ve realized something that was amusing at first but is now slowly bothering me.
My first born is afraid of me.
I don’t mean afraid like monsters under the bed kind but afraid like when I say I’m getting angry he starts to tear up and eventually turn into a full blown cry and that’s only with my words of warning that I was going to get angry, imagine when I’m full blown angry. When I am angry, I/We try not to punish the boys physically but rather explain things to them on what they did wrong and give them consequences for their actions. Sometimes when I start to raise my voice I can see the fear buildng up in his eyes that I catch myself and slow down a little to prevent myself from saying anything I might regret. I know that words can hurt and sometimes they can scar deeper than any physical abuse a child can get. With Adrian who seems to be the more sensitive one of my two boys I am always careful with what I say. I think it’s because he doesn’t want to disappoint me that he just starts to tear up and this breaks my heart in a million pieces because I can see how hurt he is by what is happening.
I must admit that I am harder on Adrian because he is older. He can understand more so when I say “NO!” or “DON’T” I expect him to follow. But of course as a kid he still tries to test my limits. FYI I don’t go from 0 to 100 on him on the first offense, I talk to him in a calm voice first with my please and thank you’s and then if he still doesn’t listen, I raise my voice a little and the third time I make a threat of taking away a toy or something he really likes. And when all things fails thats the only time we use the naughty corner.
It makes me feel guilty to discipline him but I don’t want him to grow up thinking some things are correct when they are NOT. If only there was a way that he can see the bigger picture and understand that everything I do and say is always for his benefit in the future.
When Adrian is not naughty I count on him a lot around the house. With no extra help, I rely on Adrian to help me with Aden. He doesn’t change his nappies or something like that but he helps me by entertaining Aden. Playing with him so I can escape from his clingy arms and start to do my chores or even have some personal time.
This week with Adrian home from school, he’s been helping me more and more and with him being able to express himself very clearly and understanding me at the same time I have to say our relationship has been developing from a mother-son type to dare I say a friendship where there is laughter, play, mutual love and there are also disappointments and arguments sometimes.
Bottom line whether I’m a lovable mommy or a mummy munster, I love them no matter what and if I may send out an open letter to future Adrian:
My dearest Adrian,
Even if there are times that it seems that you disapoint me please always remember that you and your brother are my pride and joy. And that however dispointed I may seem, my love for you will always outshine that.
So chin up and hold your head up high because somewhere in the world, your mother will always be your no. 1 supporter. Call her too! (Ask Aden for her no.)